The Breaking Point, Part 3: Angry

Q-Day 81

I’ve had a few “off” days. I’ve needed to socially distance myself from the circus. I realized I hadn’t turned off notifications for the community page and so I did that too.

Contrary to what some think, there really is a healthy mix of those in my community who take this seriously, and a robust segment that refuses to accept this as “my new normal.” Raging against the stupidity of wearing masks which “do nothing” and, my personal favorite – “you need to stop drinking the Kool-aid, honey.”

Yes. A person who thinks masks are ridiculous said a commenter should stop drinking the Kool-aid. A person who still praises Trump thinks everyone else is a Kool-aid drinking sheep. Comical. I stayed out of it. Ya’ll’d be proud.*

However, I am generally angry. Every time I have to go somewhere and see someone wearing a mask under their nose. Store employees who work inside the doors with the “Everyone must wear a mask” sign who aren’t wearing theirs. Well, you don’t have to go there if you don’t like it. That’s not the point.

I’m angry at people. I’m angry at all the beachgoers descending by the hundreds, walking around without masks and not social distancing. I’m angry that people have “had enough” and just want to get back to “normal life,” LIKE the pandemic is OVER.

I’m angry that someone nearly took off my front end because their lane ended and they couldn’t be bothered to slow down and merge properly.

I’m angry at all the selfish Americans who can’t be bothered or inconvenienced for the sake of their fellow man or woman.

I’m angry whenever anyone says, we’re all in this together. Because it’s not true.

I feel like that meme of Christopher Walken with the fucked up hair and the cup of coffee, gazing out like an angry, sleep-deprived maniac. Every day. Every time I have to go into a public space. And I wonder – how many other people are feeling that?

How many other people are angry and have had enough of assholes and stupid people and selfishness and me, me, me- entitlement? How many people are standing on the edge of, go-ahead-fuck-with-me?

I don’t entertain anger too much anymore. It’s not a part of the life I am living now and there’s [usually] no need or place for it. Except that now I am angry, for all the reasons above and more.

Nobody is enjoying quarantine. We all want to get back to normal. Nobody likes staying home and having to change the way they live. But they’re blaming all the wrong people for it. And THAT makes me angry.

Who, really, is to blame? Why does there have to be someone to blame for a pandemic?

How can you annihilate the governor of PA for ruining people’s lives and in the same breath say Trump is doing good things for our country? One is trying to protect his people and the other spews off-the-cuff unproven remedies, inciting people to protest, and refusing to set the example by wearing a mask. Who’s hurting us more? I guess it depends on your perspective.

How can ANYONE say this was caused by the Democrats who just want to undermine Trump’s re-election? A pandemic. Caused by one political party to take down the other. Are you fucking kidding me??

Let me just say this and I’ll move on – if that was even remotely true, which it is not, wouldn’t a well-prepared and “great” leader have risen to this challenge and proved them wrong? Well he couldn’t have because there was no plan in place before he got here.  Obama….             Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

I’m angry that this virus that’s “not that serious” is creeping ever closer. A woman posted that her husband tested positive and the next day she had to put him in hospice, and pleaded with people to understand how serious this is. You know what a few of them did? Told her they were sorry, and prayers for a quick recovery. Stupid, stupid people! Do they not understand what hospice is?

A friend’s father tested positive, and mom now has symptoms, and was with them just days before. Another’s friend in a nursing home shares a room with a symptomatic patient who was not moved into isolation. Another friend had an elderly parent test positive and it’s been beyond stressful.

I’m angry that a filling popped out and then a different tooth died, causing pain that could rival the first few hours of recovery from neck surgery, and maybe even childbirth. I spent the weekend in excruciating pain, no sleep, and finally, a root canal on a Sunday. Pain makes one very angry too. And extremely intolerant.

A few days ago Neph texted me all salty because he interpreted a person’s comment on one of my posts as an attack on Nephtoo (who had also commented). I deleted the post, and put up a new one stating that my wall is not a place to defend Trump.

Three people told me not to post if I don’t expect people to comment. To be fair, point well taken. Am I stirring the pot by complaining about Trump? Not my intention; however, they’re stirring the pot by commenting in a place where they know full well it’s not welcome. The lasting impression they leave? I don’t respect you enough to keep scrolling.

Unfriending people who don’t agree with me is the “Democrat way,” I hear. This is rich, coming from someone who supports a president who shuts down and insults everyone who doesn’t agree with him.

I have and will continue to unfriend people because it’s Tara’s way. It’s self-preservation. It’s eliminating people and things that add to my stress and the growing sadness over the loss of humanity and basic morality. Why do I want to have as Facebook friends people who just want to argue and defend what I consider to be indefensible? Thank you, Next.

I am RAGING ANGRY at another senseless killing of a black man. I can’t even adequately express this. I sat angry and crying as George Floyd’s brother covered his face with his hands, shoulders shaking with grief, and I understood the primal need to smash a windshield with a baseball bat. I understand the river of rage as a living, breathing thing that – out of hundreds of years of neglect – has become a monster that cannot be pacified for One More Day.

I am angry because there’s a whole subset of people who are looting and burning shit and making it a thousand times worse and NOT HELPING THEIR CAUSE. How can anyone expect real change when their very behavior only justifies the dismissive and discriminatory “thug” designation?

I’m angry at the protesters who gathered by the thousands, especially in New York, and wondered what the repercussions will be. I’m angry that we even have to worry about this because there’s a fucking pandemic. Angry that folks have to even consider this when they so desperately need their voices heard.

Angry. Angry because I want a beach vacation, I want my kids to have their friends over, I want to breathe freely without a mask and fear of inhaling someone’s deadly droplets. I want to stand beside those who need us to stand up, not just pay lip service in a stupid blog. Angry because it feels like things are only going to get worse.

So.

Angry.

 

 

 

*Ya’ll’d aint in the dictionary, but I like it. Sue me.

2 thoughts on “The Breaking Point, Part 3: Angry

  1. I think you have good reasons for anger. The problem with anger for me is that it becomes all absorbing even when the causes change. Anger “eats” me and all other feelings….leaving a black hole I have trouble climbing out of. Laughter and black humor help me remember how to cope. Hope you feel better soon dear one.

    Liked by 1 person

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