Where have I been? There are at least three posts you missed. Wait! Don’t look back. They’re not there, because they’re still in here  *taps side of head*. I’ll get them out eventually. Maybe.

We just returned from the annual Maryland State Firefighters Association (MSFA) conference. I’ve been piggybacking on this work trip for the last three years because… location. It’s held in Ocean City, Maryland and draws some 1,000+ firefighters and their families.

This year the arrival/set up day was opening day, so we left home shortly after the ass-crack of dawn in a car heavy with equipment and our personal belongings. We arrived to a freezing cold convention hall bustling with organizers and activity. Ocean City was overcast and chilly, temps in the 60s and promised more of the same at least for the next couple of days.

We left around 11 to see if we could check in early at the hotel. He was booked from Sunday to Wednesday, and then I booked Wednesday and Thursday night for us to have some personal down time.

Todd made small talk with “Jennifer” at the front desk, whose husband is a bowler and who had not heard of the town we’re from because she’s originally a Pennsylvania girl and, well actually, we are from PA too. So anyway if we wanted to check in now there was a city-view room available and she just had to work it out that our additional two nights were added to that room so we wouldn’t have to move. She handed us the room keys for room 506 and wished us a great stay.

Room 506 turned out to not be city view. It was OCEAN FRONT. She hooked us UP. We unloaded our cart full of stuff, took a deep breath, and returned to the convention center for the memorial service that started at 1:00.

We stayed for the beginning of the service, for the bag pipes and the national anthem, stood at the back by the doors they were coming through to get a good view. Which turned out to be a shitty view when a group of uniformed firemen walked up and stood right in front of us and then we couldn’t see a damn thing. The complete lack of self-awareness. How do you stop and stand – a full foot taller, I might add – directly in front of other people who are clearly shorter than you and not know how rude?

I weep for this generation. There was a girl walking around in a t-shirt that said, I’m not always a bitch… just kidding, fuck you and, I don’t know, I think maybe that might’ve been better worn on the boardwalk and not a solemn memorial service for fallen firefighters attended by young and old alike.

I tried to bore holes into the back of one of these guys but he never once turned around or dropped dead. I leaned into Todd and said, I’m ready to leave. So, we left. Drove to the Salty Dog for a bite to eat and then he dropped me off at the hotel, where I spent the rest of the day on the chair/ottoman-combo reading and fading in and out of consciousness. I mean, I crashed. It was bizarre. I couldn’t keep my eyes open and was actively dreaming. Maybe it was the loaded fries.

The next day was overcast, foggy, and chilly and I spent most of the day between the balcony and the room while Todd worked, journaling and reading. It was much cooler here than I expected, and I swear if I ever pack appropriately for a trip it’ll likely be when I die. I spent the bulk of the week wishing I’d brought the one pair of jeans I didn’t pack.

It was also our anniversary on the 16^th and I posted about how it’s been thirteen years and how grateful I am for life’s second chances. A few moments later a black bird/crow/raven/whatever-the-fuck landed on the railing outside to dry his wings and I’m not overly superstitious, but his timing slightly unnerved me. I texted mom about it and she suggested that perhaps it was his balcony, not mine.

I’m presently writing this from my desk at home and was interrupted by Neph who knows that I’m “writing but I have something important to tell you” and proceeds to remind me of that time I met a girl of his and after they split I told him I didn’t like the way she acted toward him in front of his family and could I just tell him right away next time? Which is technically a question in his presentation but I got the message. There is a girl here now and I suppose perhaps he wants my opinion but only if it’s negative? Anyhoo, she is lovely and quietly reserved, though maybe she’s a bit uncomfortable in the house with uncle and aunt present. Certainly don’t want her to be, but I can definitely relate to that feeling even if it was some thirty years ago.

We went out with a group for dinner on Monday night to Liquid Assets. The food is always good! I had a spinach salad – bleu cheese crumbles, black walnuts, warm lardons, slivered Honeycrisp apple, charred apple vinaigrette – and the pan-seared jumbo shrimp risotto. None of us ordered the donut dessert.*

Tuesday night six of us went to Hooked for dinner. Another top-notch place to eat. We shared appetizers: Kung Pao Brussels, Kung Pao Calamari, and a Charred Strawberry & Ricotta Bruschetta drizzled with local honey. I had my new favorite martini: Hendricks Gin + elderflower liquer + grapefruit juice. OMG you HAVE to try it. Main course was a toss up between the Spice-crusted AHI Tuna (over jasmine rice and cucumber salad) or the Spice-crusted Salmon (over an arugula, beet, pecan salad). I chose the former.  

We shared two bottles of wine. Our server, Bella, brought the first bottle and made to open it with her wine key and realized it was a screw cap. The second bottle was corked and she was struggling with pulling it out and my Jesus-Christ-let-me-do-it tendencies were quivering as she pulled sideways and then I blurted out, would you like me to do it? Took the bottle and one second later it was done. I later apologized for jumping in like that and said I should’ve talked her through it instead. She said it was okay because she’s still trying to learn how to do it and I still apologized again.

Our group finished dinner and retired to Liquid Assets for espresso martinis, seated on two facing, oversized, sink down with your knees by your ears, sofas. And then ordered the donuts*. IYKYK.

It seems like all the upscale restaurants are doing virtually the same thing, or some variation on the same menu. Not complaining – it was all *chef’s kiss*. Service, however, was not very attentive and there were long lulls where we needed a server and there was none to be seen. I mentioned it casually to my table mate, who said there’s a real staffing shortage due to the absence of visa students. It had not even occurred to me up until that moment and once I knew I couldn’t not notice the absence of accented servers. Everywhere.

The best service we had this trip was at Bull on the Beach on Wednesday night. Not surprising but also refreshing. The worst, as usual, was at the hotel bar. We are gluttons for punishment. Well, honestly, our last night – Thursday – we had dinner at Albertino’s (lasagna Bolognese for the win!) and decided to walk it off on the boardwalk until the dark clouds rolled in and a nasty thunderstorm chased all but 3 stupid girls standing next to the ocean taking pictures of each other, as lightning bolts shot through the sky, indoors.

So I wanted an espresso martini and it was the only reasonable option. We noted that the two male bartenders were new to us and with some optimism sat down at the bar. The bar top was a bit dirty. It didn’t take very long for one of them, a burly but not tall, balded and tattooed man to ask if we wanted menus. Nope, just two espresso martinis. He turned slowly, looking at the bottles and then plucked a foggy looking martini glass from the overhead glass rack. He gathered his materials for these two drinks with all the enthusiasm and speed of a sloth without a smile.

After he placed two mismatched martinis, topped with a thick layer of cocoa powder, in front of us (no cocktail napkins) I dubiously picked up mine and took a taste. The martinis were good, albeit somewhat warm and absolutely chocolate, not espresso, martinis. Would’ve preferred to hold the unsweetened cocoa powder but you know what they say. Nevertheless, service was a modicum better this time but I’m still not encouraged. It’s got to be the single most perplexing mystery about every trip to the beach, other than why people can’t read the signs that say don’t feed the birds and then they feed them. WHY is the service SO BAD here? WHY?

Speaking of seagulls, they seem to be more aggressive than ever. I watched a flock of them following this woman and her children carrying Thrashers fries (again, IYKYK) down the boardwalk, way too close for my comfort. And then there was this idiot on the beach – who decided to empty her snack containers a few yards away from where I was sitting a fair distance from everyone, while 40 seagulls flapped and lunged. What the ACTUAL FUCK is WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

I’ll tell you what the fuck is wrong with people. They’re uncivilized. They stand in front of you and block your view at a memorial service, they smoke weed wherever it is prohibited, they cough into the wind, and they speed through pedestrian crosswalks. They don’t give the impression of any common sense. Why else would there be a sign on everything in the hotel room? Do not hang items from sprinkler head (this, directly ABOVE the closet rack. ) NOTICE: Please ensure shower liner is inside tub while showering. How do people LIVE in their normal lives?

They wear bikinis that confirm they do indeed shave it all, or they wear a bikini top so small that all of the breast material is bulging out of it from all sides. There are nipples in there somewhere but thankfully not as visible as the entire rest of her breasts. Todd said that’s not breast, that’s fat, and I insist that it is in fact breast. And I’m not in any way body shaming anyone, and I’m all for wearing what makes you happy, but I would like to point out that it was most unflattering and why didn’t anyone in her party tell her she might want to wear something else?? Something that actually FITS.

And now I’ve devolved into ranting when in fact I did truly have a lovely and restful vacation in my favorite escape. Get off my beach doesn’t quite have the same ring as get off my lawn. (coming soon)

Miscellaneous:

The donut dessert. House-made doughnuts, “our secret family recipe,” usually three of them layered with ice cream and – in one case – salted caramel. Not to be missed.

I truly believe that the right manager could turn the Epic Bar & Grill around. They need to hire GOOD bartenders who actually give a shit and can actually move. Good bartenders = good service=more business=mo money for everyone. It’s really that simple.