Things Todd & I Can Do While Quarantined Together

I’m borrowing from this article I read the other day. The ideas are not mine and I have attached the link to the article and give full credit to the author. Hereto follows suggestions for us to do other than watching Netflix.

[First off, Netflix is barely on the table anyway. He wouldn’t have made it past the first five minutes of Gossip Girl, and I lost him halfway through the first season of Ozark.]

[Second, anyone who conceived of these ideas has either (a) never been married or (b) hasn’t been married more than 6 months. A LOT of these things, in my opinion and myself being in a very secure and happy marriage mind you, are recipes for domestic homicide. Or, at the very least, a night spent in stubborn silence.] *

Ok, the things.

We could do household things like hanging new pictures, rearranging furniture, cleaning out closets, and… you ready for this one? Doing our taxes.

I don’t know where we’re supposed to get new pictures during a PANDEMIC, but ok. Seriously, I think just relocating pictures and art would be refreshing.

Our floor plans don’t really allow for much versatility in rooms, so rearranging rooms isn’t an option. Not to mention the risk of injury we cannot afford. We did, however, discuss moving a desk into the guest room and then he did it. Does that count?

We wasted the “clean out the closet” idea well over a month ago, before there was any inkling we’d be wandering aimlessly around the house in the weeks to come. I seriously doubt there’d be joy in reorganizing the hall closet together.

And let me tell you right now – doing taxes? Easily the most hated thing I have to do once a year. And trust me when I tell you, few things make me stabbier when I have to do them with another person, even if that person is my husband. Very bad idea. Do not recommend.

I’d like to add gardening and yard work to this list, even starting a vegetable garden. Exercise, vitamin D, AND growing something together other than boredom. I’m also less committed to my own way in this endeavor, so less risk of pissing each other off.

Activities that revolve around food and drink, like themed date nights based on cuisine, making s’mores, having a bake-off competition, and this gem…

“Have a wine tasting night to make a dent in the quarantine supplies you purchased.” Clearly this person has no idea who we are. Make a dent? I’d say it’s been more like a head-on collision. We’ve already restocked twice. I don’t think this suggestion is a sound one.

Date nights: The next time I make Mexican shredded beef tacos I will mix up margaritas to complement them. We have an unopened bottle of Ouzo and now I’m thinking about spanakopita and souvlaki.

Since we’re both already exceeding dietary needs and we’re out of chocolate and someone left the bag of marshmallows open which have transitioned to their next life as… rocks…. there shall be no s’mores.

And on the subject of a bake-off, see above. Anyway, I don’t know how this could possibly be fairly judged.

How about some fun activities like scrapbooking, doing crosswords or puzzles together, having a dance party, making Tik Toks, or creating an exercise routine together?

We do have a lingering scrapbook project we need to get started on. But, this is one of those activities on the trigger scale. Todd is the artist, I’m self-conscious working in front of him. As long as there are no scissors or an Exacto knife involved, it should be a reasonably stable, safe activity.

As a rule for my own self-preservation, I do not subject myself to crosswords. I don’t need anything that I can easily start a fire with making me feel like my education was a waste of money. Conversely, puzzles are safe and mutually enjoyable. Highly recommend.

Exercise routine? Bwahahahahahahaha! (I don’t think we’ve yet unlocked the I-have-have-exhausted-every-other-possible-idea level of quarantine.)

A dance party is guaranteed for laughs. I came up behind him last night at the sink and started bumping my butt against his in time to some hip hop song. In my mind I was on fleek, and that’s all that matters.

On that note, we are fairly ridiculous together. Just not sure I want to squash our smoking-hot-romance image by revealing what complete goobers we really are. Especially in Tik Tok videos.

“If you have a backyard space, you can have some fun with water.” I don’t know exactly what kind of fun we’re talking about here.

 

And, saving the best for last… the Romance section… like taking a bubble bath together, giving massages, and writing each other love notes.

That aforementioned smoking hot romance? Cue vinyl record scratch. The mere mention of this idea raised an eyebrow. He’s just not the bubble- bath-together kind of guy. And that’s totally okay with me. Believe it or not, I still like to think of him as the long-haired bad-boy boyfriend. To that end, there’s absolutely nothing sexy about two middle-aged people climbing in and out of a bathtub ass first.

As for massages, (REAL massages, you dirty-minded little cretins) we’re currently out of unscented lotion that won’t give Todd a migraine, but I’ve got plenty of olive oil!

I’m writing Todd a love note right now and will quietly drop it on his desk during his current Zoom meeting.

Dear Todd, I love you more than sushi. If someone brought me spicy tuna rolls I would throw them on the ground and eat kiss you instead. Love, Me

(I’ll let you know how it goes.)

 

Quarantine Day 22: Joy

Welp, today’s the day. Todd says “someone” smells like pee and since I’m pretty sure it’s not me, Sabra is getting her bath today. Her fur is long and getting fluffier by the day so I anticipate this is going to be a joyful adventure.

I read that monkeys shouldn’t eat bananas, that it’s equivalent to feeding them cake and chocolate. You know who should be eating bananas? My SON. I have about 8 frozen bananas that will soon be joined by four more on the counter that he hasn’t eaten.

In just 24 hours, our schedules have shifted yet again. The two teams will now be alternating weeks. I have one more day in office this week, and then next week working entirely from home. The following week I’ll be in office four days. We’ve got two amazing teams I’m proud to be associated with.

20200402_085048

Meet Joy. She was finally released yesterday. She took a run in the neighborhood to cheer the neighbors. She plans to do more jogging, but today it’s very windy (she has a bit of trouble in windy conditions) and pretty sure becoming an untethered hot-air balloon is against stay-at-home rules. Future plans: yoga and calisthenics. (Videos to come.)

Pat me on the back notes: four loads of laundry, 2 miles on treadmill yesterday (+ a quarter-mile jog with Joy), weeded the front garden and started the back, emptied the dishwasher, paid all the bills through my next paycheck, and made chicken fajitas for dinner. Opac wanted panini, so I made a version of Quiznos’ Baja Chicken sandwich, the one with BBQ sauce and cheddar. He ate it. I’m assuming he liked it?

Ways this has changed me: I’ve stopped wearing makeup. Except to work – and now I am only wearing concealer and mascara. I don’t give a rat’s ass about ironing my work pants. Oh you think it looks like I slept in them? Deal with it. One shopping trip per week, at most and only if absolutely necessary. I’m eating more carbs. Every sneeze and cough I hear in the house makes time stand still. I have more empathy for the parents with screaming children on the phone. I hold my breath until I’m masked. I’m wearing pajama pants like a Walmart shopping BOSS. I may try them at work.

Happy Hour starts earlier and earlier every day. Shout out to our governor for maintaining liquor stores as essential businesses, and also to Todd for keeping me and my ice supply full.

Both kids are schooling from home and are working ahead of the curriculum. V needs a notebook and a book for her English class that is here at home. That means there’s a meet-up in the near future. Ex and I spoke at length yesterday and we both agree that she should continue to stay with him. O’s location is up for scrutiny/debate. All rules say stay put but I do understand how he’s feeling.

From the Rabbit Hole: I dreamed a pipe was leaking upstairs and the kitchen ceiling was caving in, but we couldn’t find the source of the leak.

*******

Today’s stats:

Mental Health: 10 (still coming off that high from yesterday’s release of Joy)

Physical Health: 8 (I don’t think I’ll ever be higher, so I’ll take it.)

Paper Supplies: 8 (unaware so I’ll keep it an optimistic “8”)

Alcohol: 8.5 (Luksusowa is about 2/3 full now)

Books read: Plan to start Pachinko today. (Yes, I know this is repeat of yesterday)

Today’s T-shirt: Yoda

*******

With no further explanation I offer these random tidbits:

The tufts of fur sticking out of a cat’s ear are called… ear furnishings. You’re welcome.

Did you know that the word “friends” is said in all 236 episodes of Friends?

Picasso’s full name is Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Martyr Patricio Clito Ruíz y Picasso. TWENTY-THREE words long. Today’s challenge: reconstruct your own name with as many words.

There’s a “micromuseum” themed for Object Journalism in New York in an elevator shaft. It’s on Cortlandt Alley between Franklin and White Streets. (Bucket list.)

The average length of men’s tongues: 3.3 inches. Women’s average length: 3.1 inches. Gene Simmons’ tongue: 7 inches. Number of women Gene has slept with: 4,897. On a scale of 1 to 10 sexy? -0.

Quarantine Day 21: No April Fools’ Jokes

I am intentionally keeping Q-Day posts as short as possible (goal: under 1000 words) for quick reading, and broke it into 3 sections. Section 1: updates and random thoughts. Section 2: the day’s stats (will NOT include virus stats. If you got time for that, you can look it up yourself). Section 3: random trivia.

The only April Fools today are the idiots who are STILL violating state orders to stay the fuck home and are having parties with DJs and dozens of revelers. And, possibly, Opac’s friends who are unwittingly involved in an epic, and possibly the most inappropriately stupid, April Fools joke of all time.

Started season 3 of Ozark. Episode 1: Marty comes home from work and Does. Not. Wash. His. Hands. Before sitting down to dinner. Three months ago I wouldn’t have even noticed. Doomed to scrutinize every show now for COVID-19 violations.

Veruca sent me a Tik Tok of the kid from Diary of a Whimpy Kid with the comment that “omg he is so hot now!” I don’t know – look him up. You decide. You wanna know who’s hot? Sanjay Gupta demonstrating proper handwashing.

Improvised medicine: taped my trigger finger up last night so it wouldn’t bend while I’m sleeping.

While we’re on the subject of medicine – let it be known that I, after falling onto my knees in the concrete stairwell at work on Monday and seeing my whole life – and possibly my job – pass before my eyes, am practicing mostly very safe behaviors from here on out. For the first time in my life. Mostly.

We are now practicing universal masking in our office. Has anyone out there had to wear a mask for 12 solid hours? If you haven’t had to smell your own breath all day long, you have no idea what you’re missing. Let me suggest skipping makeup, avoiding raw onions in your lunch, and packing a toothbrush.

Let me clarify, for one serious moment, that I am VERY grateful I get to wear a mask now. The reason for wearing them is so that WE, ourselves, do not spread infection to others. It does NOT mean we are sick (we would not be working if we were). It means we are doing everything possible to protect our coworkers and patients.

In the last two days I personally have registered half a dozen newborns. I have a feeling this is nothing compared to what we’re going to see in 9 months. You think I’m kidding?

Nitpicking has begun. You’re shouting at me (voice too loud). You left the empty coffee pot on a hot burner. There are crumbs all over the couch. I noticed the front door wasn’t closed all the way. No one took the trash cans to the end of the driveway. Did you wash your hands? The light is still on in the bathroom.

I’m happy to report that not one toilet has been clogged as of this date.

Black Vultures only weigh up to 4.3 pounds, but just one will sound like a herd of rhinos on your roof.

Veruca continues to stay at her dad’s and I don’t know when she will come home. Our two states are under stay-at-home orders. As I am still the “common denominator,” I still feel it is best for her to stay put. However, I am hoping to re-evaluate this in the next week or so. I miss her terribly.

Thanks to the Garth Brooks special the other night Todd is now singing Garth songs and I’ve now got Friends in Low Places.

Opac is the only one playing an April Fools joke on friends. I just want to get through this day without being his victim at some point. I’m in no mood…

Who wants to re-write their bucket list? < working on it.

Found an article yesterday about “22 Things You Can Do With Your Partner” during this time. I’ll be exploring this with Todd in the next post.

Joy is being released today. ETA unavailable. Stay tuned.

*******

Today’s stats:

Mental Health: 8

Physical Health: 8 (-1 for sore teeth from clenching in my sleep and -1 for the pain in my left knee, see above)

Paper Supplies: 8 (TP = adequate thanks to the only female [me] being away for 22 hours, paper towels dwindling, tissues looking good)

Alcohol: 8 (restocking was achieved on Monday before lockdown orders went into effect)

Books read: Plan to start Pachinko today.

Today’s T-shirt: Neon Museum T-shirt (Las Vegas)

*******

With no further explanation I offer these random tidbits:

Lake Superior is the world’s largest freshwater lake at 31,700 square miles – roughly the size of Maine. It holds enough water to cover North and South America under one foot of water.

There are more bourbon barrels in Kentucky than there are people. (Bourbon trail = Bucket list!)

Ohio was founded in 1803 but, due to an oversight by the 8th Congress, it was not formally admitted to the United States until 1953. (Think our government is incompetent?)

In Scottsboro, Alabama there’s an unclaimed baggage center that is open to the public to purchase unclaimed items. Apparently attracts more than 800,000 shoppers annually. (Bucket list!)

You can get a Unicorn Hunting License from Lake Superior State University. The Unicorn Hunters were created in 1971 and there’s a bit about “Word Banishment” that I highly recommend checking out. Please be advised that this is completely above-board. It is ABSOLUTELY NOT the same “unicorn hunting” as defined by the Urban Dictionary.

 

Quarantine Day 18 : Joy Postponed, & 85 T-Shirts

Last day at work on Friday with the regular crew. One of the providers bought an ice cream cake for all of us. The MA who picked it up had them write “Corona” on it, with a virus symbol over it, because healthcare people are a little morbid but also very good at keeping up the humor in times of crisis. There was something bittersweet about the whole day. Many of us will not see each other for at least the next two months.

My apologies to the Zoom planner that night for my absence. I wasn’t up to socializing (wide-eyed gasp). The combination of work, saying goodbye to coworkers, and listening to the news left me in tears, making a choice between Klonopin and alcohol to make the pain in my chest go away. I was nobody’s good company. Spoiler: alcohol won.

And, to that end, I want everyone to know that it’s perfectly acceptable to sit and cry for hours once in a while. It’s going to be necessary to avoid the panic that inevitably creeps in with too much information.

Rainy day again today. Sabra gets another reprieve from a home-spa day and my other plan to bring back joy will have to wait one more day. I plan to post video, when Joy is released. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile back in our basement… Todd brought home a pinball machine from a friend who was moving and I scored 198,000+ in my first game. I smell a tournament coming. Me, Todd, and Opac.

To the above – Todd takes this all very seriously. The pickup was done with all the precautions of a medical protocol. He had to stop at Wawa for gas along the way (gloves and sanitizer and wipes all involved), and told me with a furrowed brow that dozens of people were getting gas and coming in and out of Wawa ignoring social distancing and behaving as if life was business as usual. I’d not seen Todd alarmed yet, until then.

Opac shared with me a conversation he had with a friend last night who was asking him to go fishing with him and another friend, and insisted they were all fine and would be since it was just their group hanging out and… ya’ll sitting down? There’s a vaccine coming in a couple months and once they all get it everything will be fine. Holy sweet Mary Jesus and Joseph! Thank God my kid finally gets it and he was absolutely incredulous that this friend was so naïve, although he might have used a different word to describe him.

Todd and I opened a bottle of 2016 Graffigna Pinot Grigio while cooking last night. It’s Argentinian but reminded me of Italian food and I highly recommend it. We made lasagna and it was killer. Also highly recommend.

I have been thinking about cleaning out my closet again – this next sweep being virtually everything I never wear, which is ….everything but my uniform. Too rash? Todd said he wanted to do the same, and said he can just wear a t-shirt to work in the basement every day. Great idea! I said. And then told him he can wear every one of his 85 t-shirts and that I want to see a different one every day for the next 85 days. This is going to be fun.

*******

Today’s stats:

Mental Health: 7

Physical Health: 8 (-1 for waking up at 3 am with my trigger finger curled and locked, and -1 for lower back pain/radiating leg pain)

Paper Supplies: 8 (TP = adequate, paper towels = improving if Todd uses a plate for his toast instead of a paper towel, tissue situation = vastly improved by two boxes thanks to a kind neighbor)

Alcohol: 5

TV series completed: 1 (Gossip Girl)

Books read: 1 (The Beautiful Ones)

Today’s T-shirt: Dark Gray Mustang (emblem) T-shirt

*******

With no further explanation I offer these random tidbits:

Moire is made of ribbed silk or satin, with a subtle wavelike pattern similar to wood grain. It’s very “dressy” and usually found in formal dining rooms.

Americans eat about 100 acres of pizza a day ( *note: BC = Before Coronavirus)

The Library of Congress was founded in 1800 and contains more than 39 million books in 470 languages. In 1815, it purchased Thomas Jefferson’s personal library of 6,487 books for $23, 950.

Crater Lake is the 9th deepest lake in the world at 1,943 feet deep. There’s only one place where it is safe to swim and that only opens for a short time in mid-to-late June.

The Empire State Building has its own zip code, 10118.

 

 

 

 

Quarantine: Day 15

All you ladies out there worried about your roots – there’s plenty of boxed hair color out there, AND it’s on sale this week!

We have ants in our house. It’s the usual Spring exodus, but they’re in my walk-in closet! I bent over to pick up a pair of shoes and they scattered. I just turned off the light and walked out. Like really, what am I going to do about it right now?

You know what? As long as he’s still tanning his face, we can continue to believe it’s not that bad. If his face suddenly becomes white, we’ll know we’re all gonna die.

Probably not the best time to re-watch Wall-E.

My cuticles look like a shark has been chomping on them.

Speaking of which, Todd managed to impale his finger – I mean crush (I stand corrected) – between the transmission and the something-something (whatever it’s called) and it got infected so he is presently on antibiotics and can’t drink. After my second drink, I pretend I don’t notice him giving me the stink eye.

I chased a vulture off my roof this morning for doing Riverdance over my living room ceiling.

Communication signals continue to get crossed inside the house. It’s why I drink.

Work life will shift next week into two teams with steady hours, assured through the end of May. Finally, I’m on the A Team! Squeee!!

I’m currently doing 2 miles a day on the treadmill. Why not run outside, you ask? Because I haven’t done so in a couple of years due to knee troubles. That’s not to say I’m not gearing myself up for an attempt. You’re never too old to run a 5k, again.

It takes approximately 18 toilet paper squares for #1. No count yet on #2. (I’ll ask the men to weigh in on that one.)

My dad, Silverfox, called me while he was out cutting the hedges per my stepmom, and he warned her it was going to look like a cone. He says one looks like Bart Simpson. And he hasn’t even had his first beer of the day.

I’m glad we had a nice talk, even if he spent half of it in hypertensive tones, because it always ends with laughter.

Sorry-not-sorry current binge: Gossip Girl. I’m not ashamed. It’s ridiculous but I need to see it through to the end. Completely dumb reason I started this show? Penn Badgley and YOU. (Bonus: I now know who Blake Lively and Leighton Meester are.)

Last night Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo were on CNN and aside from updates and another appearance by Dr. Sanjay (really, does this man do anything else?), it was a heartwarming love fest between them where I could’ve sworn they said they loved each other. Might’ve been the wine. I’m not sure.

Todd bought me something extra special on Amazon. I can’t wait to get it! Stay tuned.

*******

Dream from the Rabbit Hole: Gone to NYC with family friends to see Billy Joel. There are easily two dozen people in our group, including my dad. We get separated once on the walk to the venue from our bus, but since I know my way around I’m not worried. The streets are nearly empty. We finally get to the venue and our group is waiting outside and extremely confused about which entrance is the right one. I’m annoyed and impatient, but trying not to be rude to our friend who planned and paid for this whole thing.

We get inside finally and I find myself separated from the group. I stand in front of one section looking for any face I recognize. I decide to call my dad and ask him to stand up so I can find him, but my phone is at 3% and I can’t get a call to go through. I walk to the back of one section and drop my bag down on an empty seat, which happens to be right outside the restroom, to look for my charger. I start to cry because I can’t find it and I’ll never locate my group. Eventually someone from the group walks by, in a big fluffy white bathrobe, on her way to the restroom and sees me. I ask her to please wait for me because I don’t know where they are. I lose her inside the restroom and then I wake up.

Day 14: The Common Denominator

That’s apparently what I am, since Todd and O don’t go out, and V and her dad and stepmother don’t go out. I’m the only one working outside the house.

It was decided, based on a handful of discussions, that it was best for V to stay put with her dad and O to stay put with me for the foreseeable future. It’s the last thing I want, to be separated indefinitely from my daughter. Emotions are running high now. V seems okay with it, for now. O, by stark contrast, was not happy. This is so not a good place to be only 14 days in.

Shout out to my brother, who talked O down off the wall Monday night. I am so grateful for his voice and his relationship with his nephew. The young man who emerged from his bedroom after that phone call was the polar opposite of the one shouting into my phone two hours earlier.

Latest dream from the rabbit hole: the rear passenger side tire is flat on the convertible. I move the car and learn that the whole damn wheel is broken. Like – in HALF. Opac is there. He offers to help but I don’t think he knows how to use Todd’s compressor any more than I do. (What the hell are we going to fix with that?) I need a car. I’m going to miss work. There’s a theme developing here.

Todd “goes to work” in the office downstairs. I hand him his coffee and he kisses me goodbye. Gotta keep up routine. Yesterday he asked me, what should I wear? I suggested he wear a shirt and tie, and boxer shorts. Have to keep things spicy.

He’s still singing Kenny Rogers songs. And he’s growing that sexy gray beard again. A tribute to The Gambler?? I’m not sure how long it will last, so I’m not saying anything.

I took PPL yesterday and drove an hour north to meet V’s dad with insulin and pump supplies, in case for any reason we aren’t able to connect. This whole situation is what they’re calling “fluid” at work. Anything can change, at any given time. Todd asked me how V was, because he knows me so well. (She was there and I DID hug her, with a mask on, so sue me.)

I’ve spent roughly $120 on diabetes supplies in the past week, and $500 on groceries, which is ironic considering I can’t get meat or canned and paper goods. The good news is, there was some stock available in the store today, to ease my anxiety a bit.

Fergus hasn’t been back. Maybe I’ve scared him away. Maybe he’s self-quarantining.

My vodka is almost empty and I’ve gained 5 pounds. Mom says I better get to the liquor store before they close too. I have no interest in going anywhere I don’t have to, but the supply is dwindling.

Pennsylvania has closed their liquor stores. Maryland’s remain open. Makes one wonder why – when every business has been ordered to close – liquor stores remain “essential” businesses. Because if we’re all drunk, we’re easier to control? How’s that for a conspiracy theory?

I have noticed that I’m starting to reconsider how much TP I’m using. I wonder if Todd or O has thought of it. I bet not.

On that note, this morning I realized how lucky I am that I’m quarantined with two MEN. If this was a house full of females, we’d already have been out of toilet paper. My condolences to those with daughters at home.

I have grand ideas of the projects I’m going to get done, and every day they’re still on my to-do list. Maybe today I’ll get one of them started, maybe not. It’s anybody’s guess.

I have received the instructions and access for remote work. This appears to be rolling out next week. I don’t have all the details yet but I need to work on setting up my laptop today. Or tomorrow.

Sabra has not had her bath yet.

At some point we’ll all be too tired, won’t we? Tired of staying home, tired of wiping doorknobs and countertops, tired of wondering if the grocery store has restocked butter and milk, tired of reading, tired of Netflix, tired of watching loved ones eat and wanting to strangle them?

Tired of listening to Cheetolini (who, by the way, is still tanning his face in the middle of a PANDEMIC) feed the public all the bullshit and using his expertise about a new deadly virus and the promise to get life back to normal maybe as early as next week?

The next, obvious, and completely rhetorical question is, is he kidding?

Meanwhile, last Friday a coworker shared a video of Aunt Mary Pat singing a parody of Jolene and now my ear worm sings COVID, COVID, COVID nineteeeeene all day every day. It’s been six days since I first heard it and the one-billionth time I’ve replayed it in my head. If you don’t know who Aunt Mary Pat is, here it is.  *If you hate ear worms, DO NOT click on this link.*

Day 11

Random Notes:

Still have plenty of TP.

We’re all gaining weight, even the dog, who is getting more treats from everyone in the house than she’s ever had.

The drip in the kitchen faucet is diabolical.

Dropped a bar of soap in the shower and learned it’s just as loud as a shampoo bottle.

Star Wars marathon?

My plants, for the first time in like the history of EVER, are thriving. My liver, not so much.

The dreams are growing more bizarre with each night, while some remain seriously realistic – like my kids being late for school and I have to drive them but I haven’t showered yet or packed my lunch and the kitchen counter is covered with hoarded items and the bathroom where I need to shower looks like something straight out of a camper – showerhead extending out over the toilet and where’s the drain? I’m not even looking any of this shit up in my dream dictionary.

Who wants horoscopes??

I yelled at Todd for eating the peanuts and he yelled at me for feeding them to Fergus.

Who else out there thinks we’re all going to die, buried under a mountain of Pinterest crafts?

Considered two new additions to the compound. Also considered how much it will cost to feed and groom THREE dogs.

Speaking of grooming, Sabra was scheduled this week for her routine grooming. Obviously…. Todd and I are going to have to do it instead. This could get ugly. Stay tuned.

The paper goods aisle is empty. I guess they bought up the tissues and paper towels since they couldn’t get TP. That’s all fine and good, unless you have a septic system.

I suggested to O that we pull out Risk, and he said – and I quote – “that game takes forever, like days.” I said, “that’s all we have.” “Oh yeah.”

Later that day, “what if Yoda was the Sith they were looking for?” He also wondered what if the Jedi were on the dark side and Palpatine was the good guy? I suggested he write that version. He said he wouldn’t know what to write. I suggested he just start with concept, and revealed that I often don’t know what to write or which direction to take. It all starts with a laptop, a quiet room, and listening to yourself.

At the time of this posting, he has not cleaned his room.

Zoom meeting friends last night! We raised our glasses and wondered how long this would last. (The shut-in, not the meeting.) It was short –because it was 11 pm and we all needed to go to bed – but worth it. I see more of these in my future. We’ll call them, #ZoomandDrink.

Todd recited the April showers bring May flowers incorrectly as March showers bring April flowers and, when I corrected him, he insisted he was right. No, it’s APRIL showers bring May flowers.  That’s wrong, he said. I told him he was wrong. Then I remembered that saying, do you want to be right, or do you want to be married, and decided to shut up. It’s going to be a long quarantine, they say, and we can’t afford to be bickering amongst ourselves about stupid shit, right? There will be plenty of time for annoying each other.

He has also begun texting me when he thinks I’m not listening to him.

We have a leaky pipe he had to repair this morning, only to find there was more to it to fix.

Other things failing miserably: the aforementioned kitchen faucet, the refrigerator, my will-power.

Got into an “exchange of words” with a woman from a neighboring town who said people in my town (which she referred to as Mayberry) “still think it is 1920 not 2020 and cousins marry cousins there.” Given her grammar skills, I should’ve just let it go. But – the keyboard warrior in me just can’t stay retired. This is the shit that got me in trouble with my mom when I was young.

Started reading The Beautiful Ones. There’s a photo of him with a guitar sitting on a bed, barefoot. I never imagined that he had feet. I can’t stop looking at that foot. It’s got me so distracted. It’s been 3 hours and I’m still thinking about it.

I don’t think any of us will get out of this without really bad hair, clothes that no longer fit, and liver disease.

Quarantine – Day 10

Just rolled out of bed and have not had my coffee yet. Todd is singing “Lady” in the kitchen, loudly, and I’m trying to ignore him. Sensing this, he turns his attention to Sabra and sings to her – which of course she loves because – treats.

“…. Saaaabra, your love’s the only love I need…”

“And it’s the only love you’ll have if you don’t stop singing that song.”

It’s day 10 of “quarantine” and it’s overcast this morning at 8 a.m. and much cooler than yesterday’s 76 degrees. Kenny Rodgers has passed away, not from coronavirus (I don’t think), and the world has lost another legend.

The cesspool of misinformed idiots on Facebook making hoax claims and hysteria-mongering statements about the government wanting us locked down so they can control us for anything other than the spread of a deadly virus with no cure, has settled somewhat. Instead, the news feed has been flooded with pictures of empty store shelves and memes about toilet paper and homeschooling.

The empty store shelves initially have no effect on you, kind of like hearing about a little virus making thousands of people on the other side of the world sick. Can’t happen to us. Except yesterday. Opac and I went to the store to pick up some food/essentials, albeit at the absolute wrong time of day, and aisle after aisle we pushed our cart through was empty. I mean, EMPTY. NO frozen foods. NO meat. NO boxes of pasta. NO canned goods. AT ALL.

But plenty of chips left, which is where I ran into a friend and promptly burst into tears. It’s odd to stand so far away from a friend in conversation, crying, surrounded by salty snacks. She and her daughter stood next to each other, while O and I stood next to each other.

I went to work yesterday, because healthcare. Todd didn’t want me to go. I don’t really want to go either, but I have to admit it was comforting to be there, a stark change from last Friday –day 2 of quarantine – when it was all so fresh and scary and we knew less.

In the mornings, we see only children 18 months and younger who need to keep up with the immunization schedule because the CDC does not want to see a return of measles and pertussis in the middle of this. We see sick patients in the afternoon and I can count on one hand how many we saw yesterday. We don’t have much work to do. It’s boring as hell but we keep up the laughter and this little bit of normalcy going to work is what helps.

We have Town Halls every day during lunch, except yesterday’s had to be cancelled in media res because some asshole who conferenced in didn’t mute his/her phone and the speaker, after multiple requests for folks to mute their phones in a voice much kinder than I would’ve used, decided to end the meeting. Really. How many of these have we had now? It’s not rocket science.

Meanwhile, Veruca returned home on Wednesday (day 7). We ignored the 6-foot distance and hugged continuously until she’d had enough and disappeared into her room. Later, she asked to braid my hair and I acquiesced, knowing full well I was going to look hideous like the last time. She insisted I didn’t look ridiculous before cracking up.

I dragged out Opac’s old Legos – four large boxes – commencing to rebuild his old sets. Todd was all in. And then I started getting edgy because he stepped in on my cleanup of the VW van for a moment – and that’s when I realized how the funny memes about families being trapped together for days are going to be so not funny in a few weeks.

O and I were talking a mile a minute last night in the kitchen over dinner, and – because I don’t want ya’ll to think I’m not annoying too – Todd interrupted me and I knew without him saying anything more that I needed to stop shouting and slow down.

So. Day 10. It’s now 9 a.m. on a Saturday and Todd has already designed a $60k addition on the back of our house with two bowling lanes in it and I’ve nearly finished my pot of coffee. V is back at her dad’s house – both he and his wife are now home indefinitely with all the shut-downs – and I’m glad that he’s a certifiable germaphobe who will protect her like a warden. O is still sleeping. He’s now accepted his lockdown sentence and we will be finding activities to make it a little less miserable. Not the first of which will be a deep cleaning of his smelly bedroom.

I have a handful of nuts I’m hoping to befriend a squirrel with. He came visiting on Day 8 with a giant walnut in his mouth… right up to the sliding glass door on his hind legs looking in. I have every reason to believe this is the same squirrel who buried a whole peanut in my planter on the deck and forgot about it, the same squirrel who “buried” a nut inside on our grill, and the same squirrel who used to peer in at Oliver sunning himself on the opposite side. I wondered briefly if he was actually looking for him.

I put a peanut on the doormat and waited for him to come back and he did! Sat on hind legs and gobbled it up. I’ve named him Fergus.

 

Stay strong! Stay healthy! Be responsible!