Written in early April. One of several posts that never posted.

I happened to notice on the edge of my property a small pile of dog poo. My first thought was, who let their dog shit on MY front lawn and didn’t bother to pick it up? Who does that? Immediately I thought of my cameras. The camera will show me who it was. However, I also noticed that the poo was dried up and dehydrated looking, which – to my investigative self – meant it wasn’t a recent transaction. Which also means I’d have to sift through dozens upon dozens of footage to find the culprit.

I know it’s not a big dog. I can rule out several of the dogs who regularly walk our cul-de-sac. Not that I’m an expert on dog poo but I mean, if you have a dog or know a dog, you can pretty much determine the size of the dog by the size of the poo.

A few days ago the dogs were barking at the front window while I was getting ready for work. It’s one of their favorite things to do – stare out the window, monitor the street for other dogs and when they see one bark like we’re being invaded. So when I came out to shush them (because we didn’t have the area gated off as we often do for just this reason) I saw him. He had stopped at nearly the very same spot and his cute little dog was dropping a load. I chased my two away from the window so they wouldn’t expose me watching and waiting. This was a covert operation, ya’ll.

The pup straightened and I held my breath. Dog-dad reached into his pocket and… produced a bag. Picked up the poo and actually looked at it before tying it up. I don’t who the bigger weirdo is – him, or me – staring from behind a curtain. So maybe he wasn’t the culprit after all. I mean, I don’t know what I was gonna do if he left it there. Run out there all mad and shouty? I am so not confrontational. The best I’m gonna do is put up a hand-made sign. Something that says, I don’t know, Please pick up your dog shit poo (edited because there are kids here) and, Smile, you’re on candid camera!

Our previous across-the-street neighbor used to have a big, sweet dog who often wandered over to our lawn and dropped a big pile. He’s a cop and we were friendly and I didn’t have the nerve to say anything. She passed away not long after we moved in.

I really didn’t plan to turn this post into a shit-post, haha! but here we are. The first week of April, by the way, is International Pooper Scooper Week and, had I known this before, I’d have erected a sign stating such. Hear ye, hear ye – you could be in Maryland, Pennsylvania, South Africa or China – you still have to pick up your shit. Also, the day after Earth Day is always National Scoop the Poop Week so I guess there’s time to make a sign.

At the risk of betraying my age – or is it illustrating? – I am inspired to add a new series to my CV called Get Off My Lawn. I really feel like I have very low tolerance for things these days and I’m fairly certain it’s beginning to show on my face. Perhaps if I write it all down, I can find the humor in it?

People who park like assholes. I went to the grocery store the other day and the person who parked to the left of me parked so close I couldn’t get in. I was pissed. I really wanted to wait for them to come out, and really I should have, but I just wanted to go home. Plus – who knows how long they’d be in there? I climbed over the passenger seat to get to the wheel. Thank God I’m somewhat small and still somewhat agile.

At work there’s a woman who’s become the topic of conversation because every day she parks her Jeep Cherokee over two spaces at the front of the lot. It’s beyond rude. So far nobody has confronted her about it. It’s Every Day. I’m planning to drive in extra early one day and wait for her. So I can follow her inside the building and find out where she works. I told my manager that somebody – hint hint – could contact the office of her employment and mention that there’s an employee who is parking over two spaces such that it affects where patients and families can park. She said that designated parking for employees is coming soon anyway. (So she’ll just park that way in designated spots, too.)

Parents who don’t parent. They let their kids stand on top of the waiting room chairs. They let them run on top of the chairs that line the perimeter. They let them jump off said chairs and then climb back up and resume running over them.

They let their 14-year-old son verbally assault multiple staff members including the doctor and he’s still allowed to have his cell phone as he’s leaving.

They let their child vandalize staff pumpkins we decorated for Halloween, one of them stabbing a pen through Mike Wazowsky’s eye. (FYI: Disney character, not a real person.)

They let their children cough indiscriminately all over the place without teaching them to cover it.

They let their child bang on the glass doors, pull on the blinds, stand ON the windowsill.

They let their sick child run their chin down the length of the counter.

They let their child play with the keypad on the credit card machine and the pen on the signature pad. They let them play on the driving simulator even though the sign says, “must be 15 years old. All electronic devices that are expensive to replace.

They don’t TEACH them to RESPECT others and places. They don’t teach them to how to conduct themselves in public places. The onus is on front desk staff to curb the bad behavior because parents WON’T. It’s exhausting. If you’re wondering how this is received – mostly it’s a wake-up call to the parent to get off their cell phone and pay attention to what their kid is doing. But it’s always a gamble that somebody is going to take it wrong. Which is why we use our best sing-song voice when asking them to “oooh, please sit down buddy, we don’t want you to fall.”

Grocery store employees. You know the ones – they’re filling shopping orders and blocking aisles with their giant cart without consideration for other shoppers. The stockers who block aisles and whole areas in produce and Do Not Move for you. Everybody’s mission is more important than yours. The deli workers who move at a snail’s pace and carry on casual conversations with each other like it doesn’t matter if you get your Black Forest ham today or tomorrow.

Also, can we address the fact that there are never any two-tier carts inside the store, no matter the time of day? The number of times I have walked in one side and out the other, no carts to be found, and straight back to the parking lot to retrieve one. Who TF is running this place??

Miscellaneous

The aforementioned grocery store now has a brand new fleet of two-tiered carts so I can no longer complain about that. Now if they could just get rid of the creepy clean-up robot that is always hovering nearby…

Google AI states that as many as 70% of Americans cannot park between the lines.

Parallelophobia – fear of parallel parking.

Over 50,000 car accidents occur in parking lots annually. A few months back I was leaving the grocery store lot and this woman in an SUV drove across the parking spaces to pull out into the lane I’m in – right in front of me without ever looking in my direction so that I had to slam the brakes.

I’ll add to that an older gentleman who crossed several parking spots at my building and nearly hit my coworker as she was walking away from her car.

Apparently the new parenting style in 2026 is hybrid authoritative approach, a move away from that “gentle” bullshit and more of a FAFO style. In my opinion, this isn’t going to change the running around on top of waiting room chairs, since the Fuck Around Find Out method will allow them to learn how falling off a chair hurts like a bitch and guess you don’t want to do that again, do you?

The best time to go to the grocery store is Friday morning. No crowd. Easy parking. The Deli meats have already been sliced and placed in the bins for you.