Does your kid have a “junk drawer”? I took a break from transcribing this morning to have a look at what my 7-year-old has been hoarding in the top drawer of her bedside table.
- A journal my mom gave her, which she has filled with hundreds of words (which I have not read….. what kind of mother do you think I am???), and a pencil crowned with a heart shaped eraser marking where she left off.
- A 7-pack of mini bottles of shimmer nail polish, one bottle is missing. Hmmm…. I find this curious, given that I have a rule for nail polish use limited to bathroom or kitchen.
- An unopened can of Play Doh. No one in this house has played with Play Doh in 3 years.
- A pack of 4 mini pens in purple, green, pink, and orange.
- A mini notepad promoting breast cancer awareness. Must be another Nannie cast off.
- A deck of playing cards I haven’t seen since we lived in the old house.
- A box containing Staple’s talking “That was easy” button. Yes, they really do exist, and yes – your kid could potentially press this button enough times to make you want to throw it into oncoming traffic outside your house.
- 2 Strawbery Shortcake notepads from McDonald’s. Unused.
- One of my old demonstration mirrors from my Mary Kay days.
- A furry, plush Hello Kitty zippered purse.
- A mini, unopened can of generic “Wonder Dough.” (A leftover from one of those Supermom goody bags.)
- 6 Tegaderm films, 2 IV-Prep wipes, and 1 Unisolve medical adhesive remover wipe. (You know you have diabetes when…..)
- An i-Carly change purse.
- A pair of American Girl doll ice skates.
- A headband matching a SpongeBob nightgown she hasn’t worn in 2 years.
- A pair of American Girl doll purple Capri pants and matching shoes. (At this point I had to look for the doll, to see if she – unlike the majority of Barbies living here – actually has pants on.)
- A plastic sliding Christmas puzzle. (And, judging by its appearance, has never been played with.)
- A book of Pokemon stickers. (The Pokemon phase is, thankfully, over.)
And now we come to the bottom of the drawer…..
- A broken ankle bracelet.
- A pair of plastic tweezers, clamps, and scalpel. (Accessories to an anatomy toy my mom bought her, with rubbery organs and stuff that are removable – thankfully, she never did, because I’d never be able to figure out how to put all the organs back in where they belong.)
- 2 Barbie shoes that don’t match.
- “Girly” legos.
- A mini (teeny tiny) digital camera. (It really does work, although I doubt she’s ever taken a picture with it.)
- One – count it – ONE Reading Phillies trading card. (And it’s not even a player, it’s manager Steve Roadcap. Which, by the way, opens up a whole other line of questions… like, is he a real person? What kind of name is “Roadcap”? It’s like his ancestor stepped off the boat from fumff—land and when they asked his name he just picked two familiar words and slapped them together. Wham! Name’s Roooaddd…uh,…. cap.)
- A tiny rubber rat. (Most likely hijacked from one of her brother’s junk drawers.)
- A silver plastic ring with a crown on it. (A cupcake topper from one of those hundreds of infamous school birthday treats.)
- A rubber Justin Bieber wristband.
- A glue stick, nail file, 3 orange sticks, and a nailbrush.
- 2 frou frou hair bands with sparkly, dangley ribbons on them. Never worn. (Another of those items she refuses to wear, but won’t part with.)
- 4 crafty necklaces she made in PRESCHOOL, 3 years ago.
And, I’ve saved the best for last.
Ugly rubber teeth (which, by the way, would look better on the toothless wonder than the 3 rotting brown teeth I had the pleasure of meeting last weekend). She swindled these out of Todd over a year ago during a grocery trip while I waited in the car.
And all of this, was only in the top drawer. There are 2 more below it.