How To Tell Your Cat’s An Asshole




  • Meows for food, takes 2-3 bites, and leaves his food bowl for the dogs to finish.  Ten minutes later, he’s back for more.  As in – 2 bites more.  It’s the game that keeps going and going and going….


  • Wants nothing to do with you all day, until 4 o’clock in the morning.  Then paws your bedroom door to mimic the sound of a small earthquake, or meows in the hall like a smoke detector until the kids are awake.


  • Urinates on the bathroom rugs when the door is left open.  Occasionally leaves a steamer on a bath towel left on the floor by one of the kids.


  • Urinates in your dad’s shoes.  Or briefcase.  Or, in his bathroom sink.  Think there’s a message here???


  • Pukes ONLY in the community water dish.  Seriously, NO WHERE ELSE.

  • Walks between your feet on your way down the stairs, or pauses suddenly in front of you as you’re passing through a room.


  • Regularly leaves poop uncovered, saving the most potent treasures for those special occasions when guests are arriving.


  • Runs over the kitchen island while you’re standing right there. (And he knows he’s not allowed.)
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