It’s not terribly late, yet everyone in the house is asleep. I’m sitting at my computer with a glass of wine, trying to look back on another getaway Todd and I had that was entirely too short, and got distracted by a comment directed at me on Facebook that made me realize I might have again been taken too seriously, or – at the very least – the writer needs to lighten up. I mean no disrespect, it’s just that I remember being young – in my 20s – and taking life so seriously and getting my panties all twisted over the world’s injustices.

There’s an election coming up and you know what? We’re all gonna vote, and there’s gonna be a new president, and guess what??  Nothin’ gonna change. Bush Sr. – went after Saddam and f@#$d up our economy, and everybody complained. Clinton –a saxophone-playing breath of fresh air, reinvigorated the economy, and got things done, including Monica, and everybody complained. Gee Dubyuh – f@#$d up our economy, took down Saddam. Handled 911.  Still, more complaining.  Then we done got ourselves a black man president and well, didn’t he go F^%$ things up worse with this, and with that, and with this and etc, etc.  And everybody’s complaining.  **Disclaimer: I am in no way aligning myself for or against any political party, so cool your jets and enjoy the sarcasm.

I digress. This isn’t a political post. I have no strong opinions right now other than that no matter who “wins,” ain’t nothing gonna change. And before somebody blows a gasket, I’m not downplaying the importance of a smart decision. But I’m not ready to decide and I’m not doing it on social media either.

We had a robbery in the neighborhood last night. One of my neighbors, who happens to be a police officer, told me the news. Someone broke into a shed three doors down and stole some items, and rifled through their car in the driveway.

I have to say, btw, that timing is everything. I’m usually on top of locking things up, but sometimes the cars go unlocked. We live in a peaceful cul de sac and there’s not much action here. One night I left my purse in the unlocked car overnight, and marveled how wonderful it is that I didn’t have anything to worry about. Last weekend our house was empty all day and night. But the thieves didn’t pick that night, they picked the night we were home and sound asleep in our beds. Not that this should make us feel any better – it doesn’t.

The rest of the night was spent discussing the robbery, and whether they’d come back, and Todd reassuring both kids that we’re perfectly safe. Ava was the most concerned, talking about the possibilities long into the night before she finally fell asleep. I spent a good 15 minutes checking all the windows and doors to be sure they were secured, and lighting the exterior all the way around. We have flood lights that are motion-sensitive which, according to the insurance company, are a huge deterrent, and I’m betting on these and the two attack dogs vicious poodles that live here.

So anyway – I’m sitting here with another glass of wine, which I wasn’t going to have in the first place because after yesterday I decided it was time to jump on the diet wagon with Todd. For the record, I was planning to start it with him, but was hit with a sudden, unexpected, and particularly intense bout of PMS …and found myself sheepishly explaining myself with a mouthful of carbs (seriously, if you’ve seen Kung Fu Panda – picture Po shoveling cookies into his mouth). I was driven to wine by issues of wayward, irresponsible children to the news of thievery in my neighborhood…oh! And the clusterf@#k in the middle school parking lot!

The clusterf@#k in the middle school parking lot. I don’t know what it is about this school district – I think someone seriously underestimated their parking needs. There’s a small front lot and slightly larger back lot. The driveway to the latter is barely wide enough to accommodate 2 cars – but then the school was built in the 60s when cars weren’t quite as large as military tanks. So one of us always has to pull off a bit to allow the other to pass through. The lot is square, very easy to navigate – unless, of course, you’re a moron who doesn’t know how the natural flow of cars should go. And you know where this is going….

Common sense would dictate turning left down the last row (which runs along the football field) and turning left again at the end of this row where the obvious drop off of cheerleaders is, and continue on. No. Everyone turns up different rows and cars and trucks are going this way and that, and then we have to alternate cars pulling out, and there’s kids walking all over the parking lot (another hazard all its own), and tonight I stopped to let Ava out and there’s these two men – presumably coaches who ought to know better and be more courteous at least – who stopped to talk to each other… wait for it… right in front of my car. So now I’m waiting for them to move, and this other woman in the car behind me pulls around me and continues on. And then another car does the same. Imagine the status of the nerve endings on my skin. Finally they move, still having taken no notice to the fact that they were holding me up.

Pick up is no better, since everyone is pulling out of everywhere, and there are kids all over the place, and there’s always one asshole blowing into this tiny lot like they’re on the Maple Grove raceway. SO, I choose to arrive about 30 minutes early for pick up, park the car, and read my book in peace. I got lucky today to park next to empty cars (no one blasting music so loud my eyes water), but my focus was interrupted by my daughter’s squad – at the far end of the tennis courts where they practice – doing stunts. Since she’s told me she’s fallen and/or been dropped twice, I’m feeling kind of anxious about her. And then this man gets out of his car with his little fluffy dog (strict rules about no pets, btw) and starts walking towards the football field when the dog starts squatting frantically. And there it is, poop.

And so I leave you with this cliffhanger… until next time.

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