Momma Forgot There’d Be Days Like These

Because you think you’re having a bad day…
I had a meeting today at one of the college campuses where Todd works. Well, technically he doesn’t work at this campus. I’m doing some grant work and had a meeting about some Veteran Services initiatives that they’re working on. The meeting was at 12:30. Seeing as our accountant is in the Baltimore area as well, I decided to drop off the tax stuff to him before the meeting. We live about 50 minutes north of Baltimore. On a good day. So I left at 10:30, figuring two hours was more than enough time.  Plus, I have GPS. What could go wrong? I also had to stop at this restaurant in White Marsh where we’d had dinner with my in-laws last week, and where Veruca left her prized mint green Justice handbag hanging on her chair.
I had no trouble getting to the accountant. I’ve been there before, his office is literally around the corner from my in-laws, and, like I said – GPS. In and out. Back in the car with 45 minutes until my meeting. I contemplated stopping at the restaurant first, and decided I’d best focus on the meeting.
Well. Missed the proper exit for the direction I needed to go (an exit I take every. Single. Time. I leave my in-laws) and ended up going the wrong direction. Six miles later I was able to turn around, and now I’m going the right way. Meanwhile, the manager from the restaurant calls me about the purse, and apologizes for no one calling me back last week, and tells me to please be sure to ask for James when I come in. Gotta go, James, I’m driving on the beltway and I’m lost again. Seriously.
The fudrucking beltway is a great big circle. Didya know that?  THAT’s why it’s called the BELT-WAY. So, not knowing this, ya know, because I’m not freaking FROM Baltimore, I panicked when I saw signs for a “tunnel.” And now I’m all like – shit! I don’t want to go through the tunnel! How the hell did I get HERE?! Because – and I swear I’m not stupid – I didn’t know there’s more than ONE tunnel in Baltimore. And this tunnel I desperately was trying to avoid was actually going to take me to the town I needed to get to. So, I changed direction and ended back on I-95 going north (at least I know my way this way) and ended up at another tunnel! However, this is the tunnel I’m familiar with and I’m now not only supremely confused, I’m swearing a string of colorful words because I’m now late for this meeting, which is so not a good first impression for the director of Veteran Services.
Long story short, I made it okay. Only 5 minutes late. I apologized profusely and sat down after introductions were made, my face hot and pink from the f@#$-I’m-late jog from my car. Trying to breathe normally, I pull out my glasses and a pen. I click the top of the pen and it springs back – the top flying over my head. I’m momentarily mortified and holding my maniacal laughter in by a thread until the director tells me the same thing happened to her a few minutes ago.
An hour and half later, the meeting’s over. Back in the car and feeling okay now. This is the easy part. The restaurant is around the corner from Todd’s campus. I go in and ask for James and here is a classic example of how you can be so wrong when you picture someone based on their voice. The 7-foot middle-aged giant who greeted me looked nothing like a 30-something preppy guy in khaki pants. He looked more like an off-duty cop. Or a bouncer at a strip club. Not that I know what a bouncer looks like at a strip club. I’m just saying that’s what I imagine one would look like. And after the day I’d had at this point, I seriously had to internally kick myself to keep from sniggling. He handed me some coupons for free stuff, ya know – the standard comp crap they give you when you complain to corporate (not so long story).
I’ve had worse days. I’m just hoping I don’t repeat this on Thursday when I have to find Johns Hopkins.


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