I was driven by this intense need. We all have them. We don’t always want them, but we have them. My intense need had to be fulfilled. The warm summer sun on my skin always makes it more intense. And this year, as I continue to advance through my 40s, the intensity was even more elevated than in years past. I’ve heard of many women in their 40s with the very same need, so I know I’m not alone.
Today I did something about it. I showered and dressed myself in cool and easy to remove clothes, and a pair of flip flops. The last thing I wanted to be doing was struggling with shoe laces in the heat of the moment.
When I arrived, I was overwhelmed by the lights and sounds. And the choices. I told myself I was going to get lucky this time. Still, my heart was pounding and my nerves of steel went to jelly. I could feel anxiety fill the pit of my stomach. I was worried about the moment.
I wandered around trying to breathe evenly. I didn’t want to be overeager, yet I didn’t want to appear not to know what I was doing either. It took a while, but I finally made my way into the back.
Again, I tried not to appear too nervous. I was afraid people might stare. I walked slowly but with calculated steps…. I was not going to back out now. I stepped in and closed the door, preparing myself for whatever might come. The light was too bright. I prefer softer lighting for these intimate moments.
I averted my eyes as I peeled off my top, and then my shorts. The pit in my stomach grew larger. I quickly and chastely removed my brassiere, keeping my eyes lowered. This is it! No turning back now.
I felt it against my skin, tugging at my stomach and chest. It was so tight. I struggled against it, until finally I was satisfied that I had done it. I was covered in sweat. And that’s when I looked up.
The horror! Another year older, another stone heavier, and holy shitballs I need a larger more supportive different housedress swim suit!