Bladder calling! My legs are trapped in a web of sheets and blankets, items deemed unnecessary for a sleeping Todd that get pushed to the bed’s center and somehow always end up twisted around me like a boa constrictor. To make matters worse, the cat is sleeping at my feet, further restricting movement. A handful of silent profanity later and I’m back in bed, trying to rearrange the bedding without waking Todd.

My feet are hot. I still have ¾ of the bedding on my side so I can’t get my legs out without considerable yanking and pulling the covers away from my body. Finally, I manage to get one leg cleanly out. Oliver decides to leave now, pulling the bedroom door open with his paw, and disappears down the hall. I rearrange my pillows, lay my head down and stare at the red numbers on my alarm clock. 3:52.

And now I’m awake. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, willing myself not to start thinking. Please don’t think. Nothing that can’t wait till morning.

4:03. I’m uncomfortable. The bad elbow is aching, so I roll over to my left side, except that this means my legs are back under the quicksand. Another deep breath. I can do this.

A few minutes later 16 pounds lands behind me on the bed. Oh good, Oliver is back. Except that he is now kneading the covers. Lie the fuck down! I want to hiss at him, but by this time I’m sure Todd must be awake and if we start talking to each other that’ll be it. Finally he is sufficiently satisfied with his work, and lies down right up against my legs, effectively immobilizing them. RIGHT back where I started. Dammit.

He weighs sixteen pounds. That’s more than the turkeys I bought for Thanksgiving. He weighs more than a Thanksgiving turkey. I really wonder if he should be on some sort of diet. The vet seemed unconcerned at his last appointment. He’s so sweet. He’s been exceptionally close to me of late. Probably because it’s cold out now. Selfish little bastard.

But I love him more than he’ll ever love me, and I don’t quite care. I’ll keep loving him, and cleaning his box, and thanklessly feeding him at the crack of dawn. And pray he lives forever. Because I just can’t say goodbye to another animal. Oh lord, why am I thinking about the cat’s mortality at 4 o’clock in the morning?

V and I saw a cat at Petco that looked just like him. Wouldn’t it be cool to have two identical cats? No. No, I will not adopt another cat.

I think maybe I should write something about Thanksgiving and our trip to Costco. Nah, maybe not. What’s new about an angry old lady pushing her monster-sized shopping cart against the flow of traffic, giving the death stare to everyone in her path? Nothing terribly interesting happened on Thanksgiving either, other than me accidentally dumping roughly a quarter cup of garlic powder on turkey #2. You know Todd actually asked me if I at least washed some of it off? No, I did NOT. What’s wrong with a little extra garlic?

I really, really need to go back to sleep. In two hours I’ll be up for work. We have no appointments scheduled, but that will change at 8:01. All the stockings for our Secret Santa are up in the break room. What the heck am I going to put in mine? Still being the new kid, I was hoping to at least get someone I knew a little bit better than I did six months ago. Well, that kinda worked out, in both a strange and daunting twist of fate. I’m both glad I got her, and a little intimidated too.

I have reports to work on today. I wonder how many things I can check off my list this morning?

I can’t believe Christmas is coming. What am I going to get for Opac this year? I’ve already got V’s handwritten list. She’s thinking ahead for once. I hardly spent any time with her on Thanksgiving. Ah well, she hardly seemed to notice since my mom was there. I love how the kids love my mom. It reminds me of  Nana, all the time I spent with her.

When are we going to get our tree? I’m not ready to put up a tree yet. Todd’s birthday is coming up. I’ve got to start planning that. Haven’t planned an open house. Probably not going to do it this year. People are always too busy. Not feeling it this year.

Damn, my elbow hurts. I’ve got to go see the chiropractor on Monday. He told me to take ibuprofen at bedtime and again in the morning, but I think I forgot last night. He also told me to ice it. I hope he doesn’t ask if I did.

Is this what aging really means? That everything hurts all the time? Bed is supposed to be a sanctuary, but at some point the body can’t take another minute of lying down. WTF is that? And my knee still hurts. Of course it does. I have mild degenerative joint disease in it. If this is what mild feels like, please just take me out behind the barn when I reach level 3. I don’t know how people with chronic pain do it.

Everyone I’ve seen in my doctor’s office just keeps prescribing me drugs. I don’t DO drugs. I don’t want to take pain pills to cover it up, I want it GONE. At least my chiro and I are on the same page. He’s a healer, not a cover-upper.

Maybe I should start doing yoga. I need to get that mat I bought 8 months ago out of the corner of my bedroom and blow the dust off of it. And speaking of dust, I need to clean the blades of the ceiling fan.

Why am I doing this at 4:30 in the morning? Why can’t I just go to sleep?