What F^ckery Is This?

By all appearances, I’ve left Facebook indefinitely. I need a break from the fuckery. However, just like… you can run but you can’t hide or,… no matter where you go, you take yourself with you or… not my monkeys, not my circus… sometimes the fuckery finds you anyway.

I may or may not have gone to an arts festival and sat behind a long-haired young man who smelled like he needed a shower. It may or may not been so bad that I may or may not have considered moving seats, except that it would have drawn attention to myself. I may or may not have wanted to be, or was, slightly intentionally rude to my husband’s former assistant at this event. I may or may not have not recognized another colleague who attended the same event until we started talking and I may or may not have felt like an asshole about that (though I may or may not have covered well and he may or may not have noticed).

I may or may not have been working extra hours at work again, happily, in spite of the new girl who may or may not have finally reached the summit of Mount Clusterfuck with her menagerie of personal problems which may or may not have included a sick child or two, a husband with a bad knee, and failure to complete a full work week even once in three months. I may or may not have made a joke or two at work about leaving early because Todd’s hip was hurting, or I needed a milkshake from McDonald’s. (We may or may not get a LOT of hilarious mileage out of this latest development at work.)

We may or may not have had friends over on Oscar night, when V may or may not have been sick and staying overnight with her dad, who played pool Very Loudly and with multiple exclamations of “mother-f^cker.” I may or may not have grown weary of my line, which was – “f^cker,” every time the other person said, “mother!” (I may or may not have felt gypped that I didn’t get to say “mother” too.) And it may or may not have gotten old fast. Todd may or may not have been shocked at my sudden lack of enthusiasm over the work “f^uck.”

We may or may not have had friends over the following weekend for dinner and games. I may or may not have actually had all the food I was preparing, ready before the guests arrived for the first time. One of our guests may or may not have expressed rather emphatically that she DOES NOT like another guest who might be stopping by. That other guest may or may not have come anyway.

We may or may not have been shocked when another guest walked through the front door with the woman who may or may not have been the reason he was arrested for attempted murder and who may or may not be still wearing an ankle bracelet issued by the state of Maryland. We may or may not have pretended we didn’t notice any of this. I may or may not be able to even make this shit up.

Jon may or may not have brought his Cards Against Humanity and some of us may or may not have played without a conscience. I may or may not have laughed my ass off. There may or may not have been fresh margaritas.

I may or may not have practiced some self-care recently, such as blood tests and follow up on urology and a thyroid scan, all of which may or may not relieved my concerns. I may or may not have made a new friend at the Clinique counter at Macy’s between appointments, before I might have gone to my first massage in 8 years.

I may or may not be suffering from what appears to be chronic back pain that has amped up its efforts in recent weeks. I may or may not know the cause, or where to start. I may or may not have seen a pain doctor, who may or may not have wasted two hours of my time for 15 minutes of hers and may or may not have had anything helpful to offer.

V may or may not be practicing a dance routine for her best friend’s Quincenera. We may or may not have gotten lost on our way to the first practice that turned out to be at a house I pass twice a week on my way to PA.

An ex-husband, or two, may or may not have bought his new fiancé a $6,000 diamond ring, or bought a half-million-dollar home to go with his $60,000 jacked up pickup truck while claiming not to be able to pay adequate child support. It may or may not end well for one of the many of us who may or may not have recently learned this information.

The world at large may or may not be going to hell in a Coronavirus handbasket, or a Cheeto-colored one, depending on which side of the fence you are or are not tweeting on. And I may or may not be considering a VERY edited, and unapologetic, return to social media.

Stay tuned.

*Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any person, real or imagined, may or may not be intentional.

**Disclaimer: Posts that appear on Facebook are shared from this page and not on Facebook. Any post appearing therein does not indicate a return to such.

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