My Life is Shit 2.0

It’s been 8 days since we welcomed two new additions to our home. We adopted two standard Poodles, given to us by a longtime friend of Todd’s who is a breeder. Pi was part of her line, and therefore, by extension, so is Sabra. We had been discussing this since last fall. There were pros and cons. We wanted a puppy. Then Pat floated the question of whether we’d consider taking on two of her girls. Covid came and everything went on pause. Long story short, we revisited this and decided to move ahead.

I am pleased to announce that You Can Call Me Queen Bee and Brown Sugar (their official names), hereafter known commonly as Bee and Sugie, have joined the T & T family and are settling in well. Well, except for the poop part. But you know me – I’ve been waiting for some new material. (And for the record – I’m not upset. This will pass – ha!)

Since we’re on the subject, I’ll start with the poop. Three incidents in the house and one on the deck. I said to Todd, at least that one wasn’t in the house, but he was not amused with my poop deck reference.

Now ya’ll who know me personally, know I’ve come a long way. I’ve always been a bit anal about order and cleanliness in my house, and that I’m NOT upset about these accidents should prove all the stuff I’ve let go of – or – at the very least, that I’m all out of fucks to give. The anal reference was not intentional by the way but I am now sniggling to myself.

Anyway, the great thing about adopting these two is that they are – in fact – housetrained. Sugie is just a monster pooper and a ninja who has managed to perform this doodie twice literally feet away from me and I-swear-by-all-things-holy I had only taken my eyes off of her to make a pot of coffee.

Bee, 3 years old, is an AKC Blue Ribbon show dog who is immaculately trained – she’s good on the grooming table, she is leash-trained, she goes outside, she comes when called. Sugie, just over a year old, has a lot of learning to do and Todd is just the right pup daddy to get it done.

These two brown poodles are bonded, which is why they came together; they sleep in their crate together, their bodies intertwined. They go everywhere together. Well, except when ninja shits in the dining room.

Bee is a good “big sister” (they are, in reality, cousins). She cries when she realizes Sugie is still outside, and she patiently allows her to bite her ears and legs for several minutes until… wait for it…she snaps and off they go! They spar in the yard and chase each other around. She’s guilty only of snatching tissues and used feminine products from the bathroom. (Problem easily solved!)

Sugie is everything you expect from a puppy and more. She is loaded with personality and moxie. Herewith follows a short list of her exploits:

She annihilated her bunny on the first day, pulling all the stuffing out and amputating one limb.

She steals socks. She stole my napkin right after I set it down.

She stole a clean bra out of the laundry basket in my bedroom and I found it on the floor, all wet and slimy.

She tried to snatch my flip flop after I kicked them off under the coffee table. Right in front of me.

I caught her going after my lunch. Again, I walked feet away into the dining room and when I came back for it, she was on hind legs, paws on the counter. Seconds, people.

She barks the moment she hears someone get out of bed – like two days ago at 5:30 a.m.

She stole a wine cork out of the glass pitcher we kept (note past tense) on the liquor cart and ran off with it. Everything she gets she runs with like her life depends on it. She’s no dummy.

She started eating the potting soil I had just topped off one of my plants with and could not be deterred. (Plant has now been relocated.)

She barked at herself in the mirror repeatedly yesterday. I’m assuming this was a first for her.

She sleeps on her back with legs in the air.

She hoards all the bones and toys on the bed she’s chosen, and steals them out from under Bee.

One day I let her in downstairs, through the sliders. She ran in like a bat out of hell, lost her footing and went careening across the hardwood floor, legs splayed out behind her. It was the most hysterical thing I’ve seen her do yet.

And finally, after I just chased her off the couch next to me trying to smear her chewie into the upholstery, I leave you with the most offensive thing (hint: it aint shitting on the rug). This morning I turned my back to get treats from the cupboard and she stuck her muzzle up the back of my robe. Never tired of ass-sniffing, any of them.


More to come.





5 thoughts on “My Life is Shit 2.0

    • These are our 3rd and 4th poodles…. we love them! Like you said, super smart, don’t shed, and (after the puppy stage wears off) also very clean – they don’t like getting wet and or dirty.

      Liked by 1 person

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