You know, I’m a little offended that the paparazzi has not once reported my absence on social media. There has been no speculation on my whereabouts, or rumors of my disappearance. There’s no excuse, really.

Where have I been? Isolating. Traveling. Apathy. Busy. Writers block and all that.

It’s conference season for Todd and this year, after gorgeous pics he sent me of Flintstone, Maryland where the Rocky Gap Casino and Conference Center is, I knew I was going this year. It’s in western Maryland, roughly three hours from us, and it is situated on Lake Habeeb. It’s not a big place but it has a beautiful setting with places to walk/hike and a golf course.

We had rain so there was none of that. I spent one whole day in the room, except for the bagel and coffee I had at the downstairs café.  I had brought my laptop for writing and three books. Guess what? No writing and only one book read.

We had some great food on this trip at the resort, followed by a pre-party in our room with bourbon and beer before we all hit the casino. I bailed relatively early the first night and I have no idea what time Todd came back because I was sound asleep. BUT. Apparently, he left his phone somewhere and they were all hunting for it for a good half hour.

This is hilarious because we all had dinner in the fine-dining restaurant the second night, and when we got up to leave, guess who left their phone at the table? I picked it up and tucked it away and waited to see how long it would take him to realize. I – being thoroughly NOT patient – eventually gave up and said I was “going over there” … **waves hands grandly**…. and said, text me if you need me. THAT’S when he realized he didn’t have his phone. Everyone knew but him. I had to tell him right away because – impatient.

Moving along, I would like to return to the shenanigans in the war room – the room where the crew assembled to do whatever they were doing on laptops during the conference – whereby I was struck suddenly and quite rudely, square between the eyes, by a stress panda. It’s stress ball with the features of a panda with the org’s logo on it – and these grown men were tossing it around the table at each other.  Thwack! Right between the eyes. I, lost in my book, was momentarily stunned.

Friends, I also learned, on this trip, about …. gooey duck. One of the guys is an avid fisher and this little gem was the topic of conversation on our first night. Please Google. You’re welcome.

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Moving on. I’ve had another fun health event… meaning I went for a second opinion because, surgery. I had some tests come back and well…. I’ve needed to attend to them. I’ve recently fallen down the rabbit hole of Reddit and the “illness fakers” and I realized that there are people out there who post their “illnesses” on social media for attention because what other reason could there be? It’s breathtaking what these “munchies” will post and here’s me, trying to keep it to myself and holding all the anxiety on the inside.

All of this has been silent and private. I’ve discussed with no one except Todd. I worried that I might have manifested my health crises by giving them life and I want to say that “the reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.” I don’t worry about health issues until I really need to and this time I’ve slipped into some sort of spiritual vortex I can’t yet explain.

I went to see an oncologist. As Todd is connected to so many health professionals in the Baltimore area, he got a referral from a colleague. I don’t know how I feel about the VIP connection and quite frankly, it makes me uneasy. We went on Monday and I was struggling not to freak the fuck out because hubby wears a badge that gives him “access” to the hospital (access VERY loosely defined as “connected” due to his job). I just wanted to be a normal, anonymous person.

ANYWAY. I don’t want to be sick or have a health crisis. The doc ruled out cancer but recommended following every so many months. Unless I have the offending organ removed. More to come.

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Who loves a cryptic post? NO ONE.  Suffice it to say I’m not trying to attract attention and, also, I’m not dying.

I’m spending a lot of time right now being introspective and quiet. Trying to listen to that still, small voice. I’m sorry to those who feel like I’ve been absent. I just realized I haven’t posted in nearly four months!

The motivation, the inspiration, the creativity, has been missing in action for a long while. I just wasn’t aware of how long I was swimming against the current. I’ve had some revelations that are going to change my focus. Not to worry – I’ll be back. To use an old, tired phrase Todd was all too familiar with when we reconnected – “I’m working on it.”