I solemnly regret to inform you that I can no longer participate in your charade and hereby resign from my position in same.
I regret that I am not miserable, angry, or otherwise vindictive.
I regret that I could not bring myself to strike you, no matter how much you have deserved it.
I regret that – no matter how tempting other men can be – I was unable to secure a knight in shining armor to ride in on his white horse and rescue me from a fate worse than death, and that I was forced to rescue myself.
I regret that I was not emotionally unstable enough to warrant heavy use of anti-depressants to maintain my sanity in a foggy haze of the bouncy white ball.
I regret that I was unable – no matter how badly he behaved – to neglect or otherwise torture the family dog.
I regret that I could not enjoy living in a poisonous environment where the resident vampire threatened to drain the life out of me.
I regret that I could not enable you to live a life of depression, isolation, and dictatorship.
I regret that I could not choose material possessions like a home and furniture over the well-being of my children.
I regret that I could not say negative things about you, however truthful, so the children wouldn’t have to figure it out on their own.
I regret that I could not be vindictive and mean by keeping the children away from you.
I regret that I could not believe you when you said you just drove her home, and that “nothing happened,” even when you insisted I drop her as a friend because she was “obsessed” with you.
I regret that I couldn’t treat your new girlfriend – one of the four I actually got to meet – like bubble gum stuck to my shoe even though she was so nice to me.
I regret that I needed an occasional break from the hearth, and help with the children.
And finally, I regret that I actually missed being me. A human being, a woman, an independent person with independent thoughts, ideas, and emotions that – if you can believe it – were and are different than yours.