It’s been a long arduous road, friends, and it aint over yet. For those of you who severed a marriage and never have to look back – or look at – the insignificant other whose nose you wanted to shove a wine cork into on many a sleepless night – and for the rest of us recently released inmates forced to keep the lines open, this one’s for you…. totally inappropriate, humorous, and as frigidly satisfying as a Peppermint Patty … new acronyms for the newly divorced, for use when text communication is the only civil means to the end.
KMA – Kiss My Ass
GFY – Go F*@% Yourself
ESAD – Eat Shit and Die
GTFO – Get the F*@% out (I think this one already exists, but is appropriate)
GGALGOM – Go Get A Life, Get Outa Mine
UCHI – You Can’t Have It
UPOS – You Piece of Shit
STMYBS – Stop Texting Me Your Bullshit
DCMCML – Don’t Call Me, Call My Lawyer
IOYAA – I’m Okay, You’re An Asshole
INYB – I’m Not Your Bitch
NM$ – Need More Money
OADTTYL – On A Date, Talk To You Later
ISSSYU – I Speak Slow So You Understand
YNGIS – Your New Girlfriend Is a Skank
MHM$MK – My House, My $, My Kids
SCNYA – Sheriff Called, Needs Your Address
DPMH! – Divorce Party, My House!
And, if you are fortunate to enjoy the use of a cell phone that allows for smiley icons, then by all means do not forget to add an eye-rolling, dancing, or kissing smiley to all your correspondence for that extra punch. After all, a kiss is worth a thousand words.
By the way, I would like to – as Todd suggested – change my name to “Francis Union,” so that I can from now on sign my correspondence with my initials. What do you think?
**Disclaimer: This blog post is in no way intended to insult any member (former or otherwise) of my family. No cell phones, people, or animals – confined to metal cage or not – were harmed in the writing of this post.