I’m about to reenter the magical, mystical world of cheerleading again.  I’m just a tiny bit apprehensive.  I was a cheerleader in high school, but that was in the stone ages before there were competitions, and flyers, and those f*$%&g bows.  Ava had cheered in second grade, part of a youth athletic league in our … Continue reading Let’s Get R-O-W-D-I-E

In the spirit of posting cryptic and often troubling (not to mention annoying) Facebook statuses:Please pray for my dog.Really.  She started making that weird gagging noise and so I shuffled her outside before she yakked up a wad of grass in the kitchen.  This picture shows just how ill she is, and how traumatized by … Continue reading Please Pray For My Dog

THE CRIME:  Dog food scattered throughout the kitchen and living room.CLUES:  Whole and partially chewed food particles, droplets of water, and a small leaf from a backyard tree.  Not a pet in sight.  No witnesses.THE SUSPECTS1.  Oliver.  Domestic short hair orange cat.  Age: 4.  Height:  13.5 inches.  Weight: 16 lbs.Known for late-night and pre-dawn solo … Continue reading A Classic Case of Whodunnit

Meows for food, takes 2-3 bites, and leaves his food bowl for the dogs to finish.  Ten minutes later, he’s back for more.  As in – 2 bites more.  It’s the game that keeps going and going and going….Wants nothing to do with you all day, until 4 o’clock in the morning.  Then paws your … Continue reading How To Tell Your Cat’s An Asshole

The BackstoryMany years ago, when I was a stay-at-home mom who wasn’t allowed to work outside the home, whose then 2-year-old daughter would be diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (thus presenting yet another argument for staying home), I began looking into ways to earn without having to leave home.  I had already taken on the … Continue reading The Employment Odyssey And Why I’ll Never Look At LOL the Same Way Again

The final weeks of winter have been a challenge. I sat anxiously at home, biting my nails and praying we’d get through this season unscathed. But, it happened.  I woke up around 2 a.m. to check Ava’s blood sugar and she woke up, thirsty. Blood sugar was in range. Her skin was hot. I checked … Continue reading Satan’s Got A Hall Pass

Tequila = long sleepless nights with bad dreams.  Sure, it can make anyone the life of the party, but when it’s all said and done you’ll have nothing left but yourself and a week’s worth of bad juju to work out.Todd and I decided to make Sunday night our “Mexican night,” with nachos, quesadillas, and … Continue reading Read My Lips: No More Tequila Before Bed. Period.

Ava:  Do you have to get married to have a baby?Me:  (Taking a long breath)Ava:  Because Melitza’s parents aren’t married...Me:  Well, you don’t have to get married, and some people choose not to, but I think it’s the best thing to do.  And you want to make a good choice in who you share your … Continue reading The Best Conversations Happen In the Car

You know what they say about how kids are like sponges – they absorb your words and actions and learn from them?  Well – pay heed, my friends.  If you’re always well-mannered and easygoing, always kind to others, never say a profane word, never lose your shit on stupid drivers, and never have an ill-timed … Continue reading None-Ya

There are days like this.  They don’t happen very often, at least not anymore.  Everyone has them.  A mood so foul the day itself screams – for the love of God, woman shut the hell up!  It was all going so well, too.  While everyone complained loudly about the impending snow storm last week, I … Continue reading That Stench Is My Foul Mood