Veruca and I both had our hair cut after 3 months. She had so much damage that it’s now shorter than she likes and she “hates it.” I think it looks great but of course I’m just mom and no expert on what looks good – yes, it is shorter, but… it will grow back.

The box color I had to settle on due to lack of choices (that I so totally predicted but I’m glad I didn’t have to go blond)… is extremely dark and not entirely unlike my natural color that no one has seen in 25 years. I’ve gotten numerous compliments on it, which surprised me and then I wondered how bad I looked before that everyone is liking the new color. *shrugs*

V is living alternately between our two houses. She’s been home less than 24 hours and we’ve already been to TJMaxx, Trader Joe’s, Quest labs, Starbucks, and the grocery store. It’s like being on vacation every time she’s home… Run around ragged, eat lots of good foods, and spend more money than God.

While we’re on the subject of kids, they’re one of the reasons I wasn’t writing and completely unmotivated. Old fears…memories… seeped into my everyday conscious and I couldn’t separate myself from them enough to fully function every day. It manifests in physical ways and when I wasn’t crying I was self-medicating. Not the best choice, but I was drowning and the meds weren’t helping at all.

The simmering issues blew up like a volcano and I can’t even begin to describe what that did/has done to me. I won’t discuss the details for privacy reasons but I will disclose that I was destroyed. The worst pain sometimes is that which you didn’t see coming. The aftershocks are just as bad. Very painful. Don’t recommend.

Last weekend Todd and I went for a Lowe’s adventure with the pickup truck, to buy a freezer, look at new refrigerators, and buy lumber for frame-making and baseboard. We got The Last Freezer. Apparently we’re not the only ones fearmongering, listening to fake news, and preparing for the worst.

When we got home we moved the freezer inside and I rearranged our workout room to accommodate it – I’m making it sound like no big deal but I vacuumed and mopped the floors, and moved several boxes of donations that apparently aren’t going to get picked up any time soon. By the time I was done it was well past dinner, so we opted for liquid sustenance and a tapas plate, and watched Star Trek.

The next morning we both awoke rested but sore, and complaining of epic, bizarre dreams full of struggle and violence. Neither of us can now recall specifics, but we agreed that there will be no more cheese plates after 8 pm. All I can say is it was far more bizarre than cuddling a squirrel and being bitten by a stray monkey, some cross between a Panamanian Night Monkey and a Capuchin, that got trapped in my house.

However, it can’t always be the cheese plate, because I also dreamed that I was on a field trip with V and she was driving the school bus – quite well, I might add – and we were going to some china outlet located in my hometown. Weird enough by itself, but then dad was there and he was like, remember when I brought you here? And then he insisted we re-create a picture we’d taken when I was a child. And then V disappeared and some guy attacked her and so I said to Todd (where did he come from?) here – hold my glasses – and I jumped on the attacker and started beating him.

And, speaking of Silverfox, he’s been suspended from Facebook. Again. This would be violation number 5 and I honestly don’t know what to say about that. The man likes “white trash” and Facebook doesn’t. I wondered aloud what one has to do to get permanently kicked off of FB, because some dude threatened an acquaintance that her opinion could get her shot and – I don’t know – sounded an awful lot like a threat to me but when she reported it, Facebook didn’t agree.

And so we continue on this sideways trajectory where an alternate universe is starting to look more and more appealing. Because the one we’re living in just keeps getting more and more bizarre. I read Mary Trump’s book in two days. Well worth it, though if you grew up in suburban Philly a lot of the things she wrote won’t be shining the light on anything new.

My son’s college is fully planning to return next month to on-campus learning. Todd’s college is strictly online through January. The surrounding school system has already announced the same, but V’s school has not yet made an official announcement. And the online arguments abound for return vs remote learning. I can see both sides but there’s no one-size-fits-all; I sure as hell don’t want my kids at risk, nor do I agree that putting teachers/faculty at risk is the answer either. That the primary discussion is tainted by politics makes for a far murkier (and disgusting) situation.

We’ve since passed “the board meeting” where I wondered what decisions might affect my job, but so far I am treading water. We’re busier now as we ramp up well child appointments and still limited to certain ages which is frustrating at best. Kids are still getting sick and, for those who think children aren’t affected by Covid at the same numbers, I can report that kids are getting tested. (For reference, providers must screen patients first to determine if testing is warranted. There’s absolutely no handing out orders to everyone.) (Also, sidenote: I have no knowledge of results and wouldn’t be allowed to share even if I did.)

Todd and I watched Hamilton and if you haven’t seen it yet, get on it! It was fantastic. Like nothing I’ve ever seen on Broadway before and I now understand what all the hype was about. V, on the other hand, wasn’t really “into it” and so she got up and left about a quarter of the way in. I feel bad for her.

There’s more to come, including a big change here at home.

 

Today’s stats:

Mental Health: Changes with the wind. Today, I’ll go with a 7.

Physical Health: 8 (regular workouts really help ease the brain weasels)

Paper Supplies: 10 (and counting)

Alcohol:  2 (completely depleted, except for the beer fridge – but beer = beer gut and therefore “hard pass” on that)

Books read: Reconstructing Amelia, The Dinner, Pachinko, and Too Much and Never Enough. Just started The Chicken Hill Chronicles (book based in my hometown).

Today’s T-shirt:  Yes, we’re back to t-shirts! Today’s is Purple Rain (concert shirt replica)

Tolerance for online bullshit: 3  (on a scale of 1-10, 10 being highest tolerance)