It is 7:41 a.m. on a chilly October morning and my brother is actually up before noon and just came in from outside using his high-pitched voice reserved for animals and Shuggie just lost her mind. He and Todd are building a deck for my neighbor and the dogs want to supervise from their side of the fence. I just stepped outside to make sure the gate was closed and holy cow, it’s 38 degrees out there.

Finally feeling like October. We’ve had some gorgeous sunny days over the last couple of weeks. We went to the Maryland State Wine Festival last month – FINALLY – because I’ve wanted to go for like ten years and every year something gets in the way. The weather was perfection. Jonathan arrived before the rest of us and commenced his first tasting while asking if we were here yet, and said something about drinking lighter fluid.

Five of us rallied on, standing in lines just to sample literally A SIP of wine in our etched glasses (included in admission). Jonathan bought a bottle of wine from one stand and cracked it open for us while we waited at a different stand, sharing it with new friends in line with us. He lifted his baseball cap and pointed at his bald head and said with all seriousness, “in case you all were wondering, the carpet does match the drapes.” And that’s why I love him. This is the same guy who sent me a gif during a bowling tournament of a man licking a bowling ball. Ladies, he’s single.

We ended up with a case and a half of wines from Fiore, Toasted Goat, the Wine Collective, and Far Eastern Shore Winery. The latter has some delicious, albeit light and airy, wines that I swore I wouldn’t like because – sweet – but let me tell you, DELICIOUS. Great for summer. Mom needs  some of these in the restaurant.

In other news, I have managed a partial tear in my rotator cuff and, while I will attempt physical therapy because it was one of two options, I believe surgery is in the cards for me and I’m just torn about what to do. Get it? Torn. (I’ll see myself out.)

At the followup to the MRI where I learned the aforementioned diagnosis, the doctor came in and said he had good news and bad news, which did I want first? So I said, you’re going to tell me nothing’s wrong with me. He said, Oh no, something is definitely wrong. Then he went on the explain the images on the screen and tested my ROM and ouch! Sweet holy Mary mother of God it still hurts. We talked about my two options where he actually used the phrase “under the knife” and now I don’t even know if we ever discussed what the good news was because the conversation went off the rails after that.

I now know his best friend is a world-class cardiologist whose ex-wife sued him for alimony and won $8,000 a month, and that he can’t even afford the tiny apartment he lives in and almost had his car repo’d and – can he be frank with me for a moment? – which really means he’s going to be anyway – is it his fault his wife doesn’t have a career? Oy. Oh, and she left him for the plumber. At some point I wedged in a comment about how my ex, who earns nearly 100k a year, sued me for child support and now I pay him roughly $35 a week. Why? He asked. Because he’s a little bitch.

And I got back to my car in the parking garage wondering what the hell just happened in there and more importantly how? So I called dad, who I knew was driving back from Chicago at that very moment, hoping he could help talk me back to planet Earth. It didn’t last because the next crazy thing happened by the time I got home.

Apparently somebody fucked up the COBRA insurance we were on from April to June – all those claims were paid out and now the insurance company is sending out statements to those providers – including my counselor – asking for the money back. So when I talked to my counselor, he was talking faster than me on a full pot of coffee and worried about how this gets handled and here’s me, calm and assuring him this is just an error that will be corrected as soon as I get off this phone. He apologized profusely to ME for bothering me with it, and I’m all – no, no, no … I’M sorry this happened and it’s affecting you – and at this point I’m feeling like the dentist in Finding Nemo who is shouting, the animals have all gone mad!! because what the actual fuck is going on today???

Meanwhile I’ve managed to have some online shopping adventures and I feel compelled to share because that’s what I do. I’m reading this fantastic and inspiring book, Confessions of a Bookseller, and picking up new titles to add to my reading list. It inspired me to look for something about Scottish history and I purchased Scottish History – A Concise Overview of the History of Scotland from Start to End – which is anything but and the single most terrible piece of trash I have ever had the misfortune to purchase and had I taken the time to read the reviews I’d have saved myself $10. But who reads book reviews?

Here’s mine: The book appears to be an adaptation from voice to text and is so full of typos, spelling errors, and criminally misused punctuation that it is – literally – impossible to read. Examples are the Battle of Mons Gropius, which would be hilariously funny if it had been the only misspelling, but the most egregious was PayPal for papal. DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK. You’re welcome.

I bought a beautiful wreath via click-bait – yes, I realize it’s my own damn fault and usually I do check where a company is based but apparently I either overlooked it or was later mislead. It was $36. When it arrived it was much smaller than the 16” size advertised and just barely resembled the photo, and pieces of the plastic greenery weren’t even attached. It was as if someone just tossed the loose pieces in the bag with a, you figure it out. Can’t return it because it came from … Wuhan. Fuck me.

Website review: Alaskawind. The Chinese are at it again, selling products that end up being micro-sized by comparison to photos and descriptions and surely there is some case for extortion here. The Contact Us link doesn’t work. Serious waste of money. Always purchase from a name you know.